


I know It's Over

by ZeRunaway



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Comfort Sex, F/M, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:28:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1539377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeRunaway/pseuds/ZeRunaway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Walt lets Jesse seek comfort in him instead of brushing him off, but will it benefit them both or just over-complicate things?</p><p>Basically an exploration of if Walt & Jesse became intimate, minor canon divergence starting from season 4 episode 3, when Jesse asks Walt out to go-kart. But, for the most part, the major storyline events will be canon-compliant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Starting and Ending

“Go-Karts? What?”

Jesse looked unperturbed by how puzzling Walt seemed to find the proposition and continued, “Yeah there’s uh, track down by the Coliseum. It’s pretty fun.” He looked back up at Walt, his eyes with a hopeful yet distant glisten.

Walts fingers busied with buttoning of his shirt as he considered, a little surprised that Jesse was asking him to hang out at all. His eyes flashed a bit of concern before he remembered the painful carwash meeting he had to attend. Hm. Maybe this was a way of getting out of it, having to attend to more pressing _business matters_.

“Okay.” He gave a slight smirk, “Sure.”

Jesse’s face registered some shocked before giving his foxy grin, “Cool. Yeah.” _Mr. White wanted to spend time with him._ He bowed his head to the task of tying his shoes to hide his still-wide smile. He took a deep breath to try and bury the fluttery feeling in his chest so he wouldn’t seem so goddamn happy at the simple gesture.

But he was.

\---

It was a weekday, so the track was empty. The guy at the ticket booth gave them both an odd look before smiling. Jesse thought that he probably assumed they were father and son, bored and fooling around. That’s how he wanted this to feel.

The place was less than rustic, on its last legs probably. Their steps echoed throughout the wide empty space as they made their way to the karts. The harsh smell of gasoline pierced through Walt’s nose eliciting a short coughing fit. Jesse looked to him concern but he smirked it off waving his hand through the air saying _it’s nothing_. Jesse smiled, “Yo don’t try dyin’ ta save yourself from humiliating defeat! I see you!” Walt just shook his head at Jesse’s teasing.

There are few things more humorous than Mr. White, such an old dude, hunched over the tiny driving wheel of the kart. “You look like you’re ready to drive Miss Daisy.” Jesse laughed.

Walt half-groan half-laughed in his throat, “Yeah, okay. Laugh while you can.” He felt ridiculous for being here, but Jesse seemed happy. And if Jesse was happy, he was a little happy too.

The light flashed green, the harsh motor of the kart rattled in Walt’s chest.

\---

“Man you totally, totally, cheated.”

They were all laughs as they walked to their cars, the sun had long set, “Physics isn’t cheating, Jesse. You see: there’s little things called torque, friction and momentum and there’s ways to work them.” Walt winked playfully.

“Yeah, yeah. Alls I saw was you huggin’ the corners man. Cheap, real cheap!”

They both felt cheeky outside of their cars. Walt had had genuine _fun_ tonight, to his surprise. His phone vibrated, and he knew who it was before he checked. With a groan he rose a ‘1 sec’ finger towards Jesse and leaned against his Aztek, answering the phone.

Jesse could hear his wife’s nagging through the speakers. He fought back the urge to smirk knowingly. _Total ball-buster_. Eventually Walt grew annoyed and rushed her off the phone – her cawing still heard until cut off by a ‘ _Beep!_ ’ Walt sighed.

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Lets not talk about it.”

Jesse nervously rubbed his nose, “So uh, what’re you doin now?”

Walt gave him an odd look, “Going home.”

“Oh.”

Walt just turned to his van with a nod (to no one or thing in particular) and began to unlock it.

“Do you wanna… chill out a little more, maybe?”

He turned to face Jesse again, and looked at him as if he was trying to figure out what he was getting at. He had just spent the whole afternoon with him, now he wanted to spend his night with him too? Jesse just looked to him like a kid asking to stay up a little later, his head characteristically tilted.

“Have a few beers… watch a movie or something…” he continued.

Walt thought that maybe he needed to talk to him about something, _was that it?_ Finally he swung his head to the side and gave one of those ‘why not’ frowns, “My place or yours?”

Jesse smiled.

\---

The night went on and they had each gone through a number of beers, and Walter drank a few glasses of scotch alongside them. They talked about a myriad of things – Walt doing most of the talking, starting out as random scientific observation while watching Discover Channel, soon reminiscing about his college days and even teaching the High School during Jesse’s year. He told Jesse about all the teacher scandals the students would’ve only dreamed about knowing. Jesse hung on his every word which made Walt feel prideful, he realized it had been so long since someone had enjoyed his company and listened to him so intently. Junior was always busy with his own thing or would rather talk to Louis, Skyler didn’t seem to ever look at him anymore with anything other than contempt or annoyance. Rarely, worry. And sometimes he thought, fear.

Thoughts of his wife made him glance at the phone to see if she’d left him anymore angry messages. He was shocked at the time, nearly 2 am. Jesse was prattling on about something sophomoric, he interrupted, “Ah, I didn’t realize how late it was.”

Jesse went oddly quiet before responding with a simple, “Yea,” rubbing his shoulder. Walt was about to ask him to leave.

Walt looked to him. How much had he had to drink? “You okay to drive?”

Jesse lit up at the opportunity, “Uh, no. No, I don’t think so.”

“Well,” Walt said rising, “You’re welcome to sleep here for the night.” He said gesturing to the couch.

“Thanks.” Jesse was searching for anything he could do to get Walt to stay, “Uh, yo, do you wanna maybe finish this movie first?” He felt stupid and embarrassed at his suggestion considering they were barely ever watching it at all.

Walt simply nodded, “No, no. We should both get some rest, good night Jesse.” He started to walk away which caused Jesse to immediately get up and grab his arm.

“Hold up!”

Walt turned to him questioning, his mouth slightly agape as his noticed the desperation in his partners face. Walt composed himself and faced him sternly, “Jesse, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Jesse hadn’t released the grip on Walts sleeve, he felt like a child. Walt continued to stare at him patiently, not taking that for an answer, “I just… I just don’t wanna be alone right now, alright?”

Walt tilted his head in genuine concern; he brought his hand up to Jesse’s shoulder and gripped it in a strong, comforting, way, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jesse shook his head, “No. Just stay- just, let’s just finish the movie. Just a little longer _.” Please stay, please don’t leave._ He was looking off to the side, avoiding Walts eyes. The alcohol in his veins was allowing him to be a little more vulnerable than he’d normally show. He felt his cheeks flush, his eyes starting to water.

Walt both patted his shoulder and shook him gently, “Alright.” He motioned to the couch and they both sat back down, Walt’s palm not leaving his shoulder.

Jesse just stared down at his hand as he kneaded them nervously. He didn’t want to be alone. He was so pathetic. He closed his eyes inadvertently causing the built up tears inside them to slip down his cheeks – which caused more to build up in embarrassment. He was fucking crying. Of course he would be.

Walt took note of the tears and moved his hand from Jesse’s shoulder to his back in response, rubbing soothing circles into his tense muscles. He was so warm.

Jesse felt himself relax and leaned into the touch. The slow rhythm of Mr. White’s hand sliding over his shoulder blades, lower back, occasionally kneading a tense spot on his shoulder – he needed this. The touch of another person. He felt guilty for seeking it out in Mr. White when he should really just pay Wendy a visit or something. But, for now, this was enough.

He started to wonder if Mr. White was enjoying the physical closeness, too. Started to notice the pressure and attentiveness of the hand that had shifted from circles to a back and forth motion up and down his spine. Was he just trying to be fatherly? Or something else?

Mr. White was estranged from his wife, he remembered. He probably hadn’t touched another person in months, or been touched by one…

Jesse got an idea then; something that could get Mr. White to stay longer than he probably would otherwise, and lingered on it before the impulsiveness of his current state brought his hand to Walter’s knee, not even sure of his actions. He felt Walt pause for a half second at the contact before resuming his motions. Maybe he just took it as a thank you. Jesse gave his knee a squeeze before moving it upward to stroke the area of his leg just above the knee. Presumably innocent territory, still. He gathered the courage to tilt his head towards Walt to see if he was reacting, but his face was mostly unreadable.

There was a tangible tenseness to how they sat in silence gently petting one another. Walt was definitely eyeing Jesse as if he was expecting something to happen next. In response, Jesse moved his motions higher to his inner thigh. Walt froze and glanced down at what his hand was doing. Jesse continued… he wasn’t saying no, or swatting his hand away. So what did that mean? He tried to decipher Mr. White’s face, who was still looking down at his hand, his lips slightly parted. Oh yeah. It was written all over his expression. It had been a long, long, time since anybody touched him. Jesse can tell he wants it, even if he finds the situation questionable, but he’s not sober enough to immediately tell Jesse to back off. Or maybe he’s letting it happen because he likes it. Maybe he likes Jesse.

Encouraged, Jesse reached for Mr. Whites groin – gently laying his hand there and feeling that he was, indeed, semi-hard. But Walt reacted immediately, grunting in his throat and slightly rising, “Jesse-“

“-Just shut up.” Jesse snapped with a pleading in his voice. _Just go with it._

After a moment of tenseness Walt relaxed again, letting Jesse rub him through his pants. He closed his eyes. Jesse bit his lip. What was he thinking about? Was he imagining his wife? Was he pretending this was a dream? Jesse felt his breath starting to quicken, half out of arousal and half panic that he was actually doing this. With Mr. White, his partner in crime, a guy that used to be his teacher. A guy twice his age. A _guy_. He unfastened the buttons of Walts trousers and unzipped him, reaching in and withdrawing Mr. Whites hardening cock. He let out what sounded like a growl at the direct contact, his brow creasing, eyes shut tight. Jesse stroked him noticing the difference in feeling of his dick compared to his own – while Jesse’s was slightly taller Walt had much more girth and filled his hand. He liked it; he was quickly growing hard from this handjob he was giving Mr. White. Shit, was he gay? No. He liked girls too. If he gave it thought, the idea of messing around with a man never really repulsed him as much as he let on – it was a typical face to be worn around his wannabe gangster buddies who all pretended to be disgusted by “faggot shit”. He didn’t hang out with them anymore, so it didn’t really matter, did it? Jesse didn’t mind this, so far. He wanted to go further. With a shaky breath, he leant down over Mr. White’s cock and gave the head a hesitant lick. Mr. White groaned, his hand that rested on Jesse’s back traveling upward and threading his fingers through Jesse’s hair and gathering it into a light grip.

Taking that as a way of saying _‘suck it’_ Jesse took Walt into his mouth down to the head and Walt let out higher pitched moan reflexively thrusting his hips, which made Jesse gag and withdraw momentarily, but he kept on undeterred – bobbing his head up and down taking Walt as far into his inexperienced mouth as he could manage. Mr. White tasted salty and smelled like a withered bouquet; jaw tiring he focused his attention on the head while slowly stroking him. Every time Jesse would tug down on his cock Walt’s hips would jump and he’d make a little raspy whimper. So this was what Mr. White was like, Jesse thought, this was that side of him that few people have seen.

Walts grip on Jesse’s short locks tightened, his breath quickened and his grunts and groans became closer together. He was on the edge. That was fast. Jesse withdrew but still stroked him steadily, “You gonna cum?” he asked as plainly as the ‘you wanna do something?’ that had lead up to this moment.

Walt quickly nodded. His head was tilted back against the couch, his mouth parted and his eyes still tensely shut.

“Not yet.” Jesse slowed his strokes as he sat back up. Walt flashed him a look of disappointment before he noticed the pronounced bulge in Jesse’s pants and reached for it – grabbing it harshly. Jesse’s hips reflexively thrust and he yelped at the sudden contact. Soon Walt was rubbing him, cradling the bulge in his palm back and forth. _Oh fuck yeah_. Jesse gasped shrilly. That felt good. This was exactly what Jesse needed to occupy his mind. He was somewhere else now, somewhere else entirely. He let out shuddered moans as he thrust his hips against Walt’s motions, effectively dryhumping his hand.

Jesse was like a horny puppy, Walt thought. He removed his grip and unfastened Jesse’s pants so he could retrieve his throbbing, needy, member. He gave it a slow stroke upwards, tenting his fingers at the head and rolling them around. Jesse whimpered under his rough hands and Walt felt them slicken with precum. Walt let out a low groan as Jesse resumed whacking him off – though he kept his strokes slower than Walts as to make him last. For a while they were like that, panting and growling, their eyes shifting from brief eye contact to one another’s tasks.

Jesse was getting hot. No, literally hot, sweaty. His clothes were uncomfortable. He quickly withdrew his hand to pull off his shirt. As it lifted over his head he was met with Mr. White’s hungry glare. He hadn’t even been trying to be sexy, but Walt was scanning his body eagerly. He suddenly felt self-conscious so he leaned forward to peel off Walt’s sweaty shirt as well. They were close now, so close, face to face with only an inch between their bodies. Jesse jumped when he felt a callused hand against his bare back, it slid down to his hips and gripped his pronounced pubic bone. Mr. White was looking at him with an unfamiliar tenderness. Jesse must’ve looked like a terrified yet eager schoolgirl having her first sexual experience. The hand on his hip pushed him backwards enough so that Walt’s other hand could find him again, continuing his firm strokes. Jesse arched his head back with a, “Mmhm,” before reaching down and returning the gesture.

Their faces were nearly touching as they exhaled hot breaths on the others lips, both jerking the other off in slowing, quickening, unsteady rhythms. Jesse could no longer take the hot shuddered air against his lips and he closed the distance between them.

Walt was unresponsive. _Shit_. Was this the line? Did Jesse cross it? But just as Jesse’s stomach dropped Walt’s lips were moving against his own. Jesse sighed a moan in relief, which Mr. White readily devoured. Their tongues soon found each other, Walt tasted like scotch. Jesse, like cigarettes and the sweet bitterness of an empty beer bottle. Mr. Whites beard against Jesse’s own stubble tickled and occasionally made him smile into the kiss.

The way Walt felt, his smell, his touch. This was all new to Jesse. He felt like he was having sex for the very first time. In a way, he supposed he was – with another man. The new experience was becoming the perfect distraction. For every little moment of discovery he wanted another. An idea once again flashed into his intoxicated head. It seemed a little extreme, rushed… but why not? He had already come this far. Funny, earlier today Jesse wanted to feel like Walt’s son. Now, he wanted to feel like his bitch. With a biting kiss he parted from Walt’s lips and breathed hotly onto them.

 

“Wanna fuck me?” he grinned wolfishly.

 

Walt’s eyes pierced him with predatory, carnal, want. But then a sudden flash of realization, sobriety. Walt ceased all his actions and leant forward to pinch the bridge of his nose, his eyes clamped together in frustration, “No, no. This… _whatever this is_ … it needs to stop right now.”

Jesse’s heart sank and he went slack. Sobriety began to creep over him as well. What the fuck did he just do? He felt pressure building in his eyes but cleared his throat and pushed back his tears, “Well, no sense blue-ballin’ each other. We came this far.”

Walt gave him a sideways glance – the kind he would give him when he’s said something idiotic (which was often), before going back to kneading his bridge between his fingers as if he was trying to make sense of all this. Finally he relented and sat up, nodding.

Their grips found each other again and they stroked one another almost mechanically. There was no heat or passion like there had been minutes earlier, just methodical movements. They quickened their paces, wanting the circlejerk to end sooner rather than later. Soon Walt took in harsh sucks of air before grunting and shuddering. Streams of semen jetted out of his penis onto his chest, Jesse watched him tremble as the last of it spilled over his hand like candle wax. It was enough to bring about his own orgasm. He whimpered, hips twitching, as he burst into Mr. Whites palm.

Silence. Heavy breathing. Jesse became aware of the low volume of the tv, the credits of the movie were rolling. Had it been on this whole time?

Walt’s voice broke the silence, “We… We should… Probably pretend this never happened…”

The movie credits end. A cheesy, brightly colored, infomercial starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo AO3!
> 
> I haven't written a fic in ages so I'm a little rusty, but I hope you find this story enjoyable! I just recently watched Breaking Bad and felt really inspired by Walt & Jesse's relationship and could not resist toying with them in my head. This is my first fic here, also!
> 
> Not sure how often this will be updated or how long it will be (thinking around 5 chapters).  
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Afterthoughts

Jesse eyed Walt as he paced from task to task in the lab. Mr. White was acting… normal. How much did he even remember?

“Jesse!”

Jesse realized Walt had been talking to him, “What?”

“The yield.”

_Oh._ He glanced at the scale, “Two point twelve.”

He looked back up at Walt and he seemed to hold his eyes for a moment before going back to his clipboard.

Jesse let out a breath he wasn’t aware that he was holding.

\---

Walt had left him on the couch that night, but he wasn’t staying there. Despite his unfit state he got into his car and started home. It was three in the morning on a weekday; the roads were quiet and empty. Jesse gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles pale. On the other side of the road the light of an oncoming car illuminated his face.

Jesse stared at it wistfully. Slowly, his hands drifted from the steering wheel to his sides. The car drove straight for a moment before steadily starting to drift to the left. Jesse swallowed hard. The car, a van, was ten seconds off before sounding a comical _honk honk honk_!

Jesse swerved. “ _Fucking asshole!”_ he heard the person yell as they sped by. The road in front of him became a blur. He pulled over and rest his head against the steering wheel. The tears kept coming. Many things flashed in his mind: why in the span of thirty minutes had he jerked off, given a blowjob to, and offered his ass to another man, why that man had to of been Mr. White, what Mr. White must think of him now, how through his own stupidity he had just added even more shit he didn’t want to deal with to his shitshow of a life, the heavy thud of Gale’s ragdoll body, rehab and how he was using again. Jane. He cried so hard his stomach felt sore.

\---

After crying himself out, for how long he didn’t even know, he somehow felt more sober and made his way home without much trouble. He was greeted by a stranger sprawled out on his lawn. He quirked an eyebrow and continued in to find that his house had become a hub of brawling drug addicts. The music blared. People crawled about the ground, used, fucked, and fought all around him. This was… good. Jesse sat on the sofa and lit a cigarette. He imagined himself melting into his surroundings as he inhaled and let the smoke trail out of his mouth.

\---

Walt hadn’t uttered a word to him as they discarded their uniforms in front of their lockers. Walt in his underpants seemed a lot less silly than before. Jesse remembered when Walt had first disrobed in front of him. It had taken him a while to get used to it… he couldn’t help but to look sometimes. But it wasn’t gay. I mean, it’s weird right? For someone to just be in their underwear. It’s hard to not look. He looked but not in _that way_. He remembered noticing Mr. White as he exited the RV after a cook in the desert, their first day he thinks, how the bright sun casted on his body. He remembered raising his hands in disgust, “God, _Jesus_ , ugh.” He pretended to be blinded by Walt’s nudity.

“Shut up.” He simply responded before partially dressing (did he make him feel self-conscious?) and walking off to make a phone call.

Jesse wondered why he had teased him like that, and then remembered it was because the first thought he’d had was that, for his age, Mr. White’s body was kind of cute.

“See you tomorrow.” Walt said nonchalantly before making his way up the spiral staircase.

Jesse muttered, “Yeah.” To himself before hearing the door slam shut.

\---

Walt had barely enough time to process what had happened with Jesse, he was immediately thrown into figuring out how to launder money with his wife. After much headache they had bought the car wash and celebrated with expensive champagne, which Walt got an earful about. It all felt like awkward, empty, leisure to him.

\---

Walter felt the shower beating against his bare back as he put his razor to the side. He placed his palms on the wall of the shower and slouched against them, looking down at his bare body. He sighed. Masturbating in the shower was becoming a sad habit.

His thoughts started with Skyler but somehow ended with Jesse. He tried to think of his wife, the soft curve of her belly, the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips. But then he’d start to think of things he didn’t want to. That wide-eyed stare of judgment. The pulled corners of her mouth before she snapped something that made him shrink and feel like less of a man. And when his thoughts hurriedly wandered away from that they went to a small, lanky, trembling hand down the length of his cock. An eager, hot, mouth struggling to sheath him. Unsure, terrified, deep blue eyes. Nervous lip bites.

_‘Wanna fuck me?’_

Walt panted heavily watching pale viscous strings spiral down the drain.

He had refused that offer because he was certain it wouldn’t have been something he wanted sober. That he would come to deeply regret it. But here he was, thinking of Jesse. Walt had never been immune to Jesse’s boyish charms, he was… cute.  Far from unattractive. Walt wondered if that fact was the subconscious reason he had tried to push him in class despite his obvious disinterest. Even after, what? Three, maybe four years? He immediately recognized that face desperately hiding from the DEA. Pinkman.

Jesse Pinkman. Impudent. But, to Walt, obedient. He gave Walt looks of such intensity. That fire, whether it was for him or against him – Walt always felt some satisfaction for starting it. And he enjoyed making those fierce eyes submit to him.

Walt weighed all the options and possibilities in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter. Thanks for the interest so far!


End file.
